Brewing Coffee

When I was in Primary Three, I used to look forward to "Seyyul" (Proverbs) during Tamil lessons. During the lessons, my teacher would introduce a proverb and tell us a story to explain its meaning. I had enjoyed those story-telling sessions and it's probably the reason why I have always been quite a story-teller.

Among the stories she told me, I've always remembered the story of two friends who went to the forest together. While crossing the forest, they were confronted by a bear. In an attempt to save himself, one of the friends climbed a tree, abandoning the other to fend for himself. The latter who could not climb trees pretended to play dead to save himself. After the bear left, the friend who played dead accused the other for abandoning him. Thus, concluding that a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Often, I have pondered over this proverb because it has certainly not been proven true in my life. I have people who have come and gone in my life; often those who have helped me but expected to have their way at my expense.

To me, the meaning to the proverb stands only if we help one in their time of need without expectations. Often times, we do expect something in return. It could be something as intangible as loyalty, sincerity or a sense of satisfaction by feeling needed. So is a friend in need a friend indeed? Maybe not. Especially not if your need boosts his/her ego.

I have learnt from experience that friendship break-ups can be somewhat like relationships break-ups, though the latter can be more intense. I believe there is love in both heaven and hell. In heavenly love, there is trust, loyalty and sacrifice. In hell love, there's obsession, the need to possess and control.

Likewise, in love there is infatuation and true love. When infatuated, there are tendencies that one would feel jealous and insecure in some instances. True love sans all that. It's a commitment; a bond bound by trust.

In the same way, in friendship, you have two kinds of friends. The ones who are with you because they know who you are and the ones who are with you because of what you are and what you have to offer. As I would put it, genuine love vs needy love.

In my opinion, a friend is someone who is transparent and you feel safe being around. And a friend is someone who genuinely accepts you for who you are, and will always be with you and work it out with you if there is a glitch in the friendship.

Friends who stick around because of their own needs, will fade away along with our contribution.

Friendship

There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity. - Samuel Johnson